Resilience in the face of adversity

Inspired by personal experiences of overcoming challenges, 'Dare To Cry 3' delves into the power of resilience. It's about finding strength when things get tough.

The Journey Continues

While the specific reasons behind the title 'Dare To Cry 3' remain a mystery, this blog post continues the ongoing conversation around self-discovery and emotional expression.

My friend and I started crying. I was sitting in the back seat, and as he grabbed me by the hair and dragged me out of the car, my friend, who was in the front seat, ran away screaming. I was left alone with this monster who punched me in the stomach, and I was helpless as he dragged me to the nearby bushes. I tried helplessly, fighting with my tiny fists to no avail. He slapped me so hard and began to rape me. It hurt so bad, I must have passed out as I came to, I felt myself being swept by the waves. The waves brought me back on shore. I felt I had gone to heaven and back. 

Suddenly, I could hear screaming,I don't know whether it was my own cries. I heard it from my friend, so I managed to get up and run towards the screams. That's when I saw this man rape her, too. He jumped up, seeing me there, and got into his car and raced off, leaving two young broken girls in our soaked white uniforms.

Half walking, half dragging ourselves, we washed ourselves in the water and all the while screaming and crying. A voice within prompted me to act, so I shook my friend and told her we had to find our way home.  We walked for miles before a good Samaritan stopped and gave us a lift to the bus stop. What he told the driver,I don't know, because the bus driver took pity on us and gave us a free ride on the bus. 

It took two buses to get home. The only words spoken were that we should not tell anyone what had happened, as it was her uncle, and we would be in trouble instead of him. I have never seen or spoke to her since that day. I am now sixty years old. The secret lay buried.

I came home and I got a beating for coming home late.  Desolation, anger, shame, and denial all the years had left a huge burden in my soul.

I reached out to elders for support, but I was shunned.  At the time, I didn’t understand what I was going through, and as I grew up, faced many more trials and tribulations, it began to make more sense, and I understood it better.

We were put on the bus, and we rode in silence. And to this day, at 60, I have never spoken of it or seen my friend after that terrible day. She avoided me at school, and later, I would move to another school.

Most of my life, I had no control over how I perceived the things that happened to me.  When I was young, I saw the world from a different perspective.  I grew up thinking I would have a fairy tale life, without pain and trauma.I have since come to realise that life will unfold for you by your perception, regardless of what your situation is or what your past is.  

Hope is to look forward to with desire and confidence.  To have hope, one must have faith. I have been making changes in my life, and I am now very certain and confident in myself. Now I am letting you into my world.

People see you based on your current situation.  What is more important is how you see yourself.  Most of the time I spent on justifying my thoughts, ideas, and passions to others, especially to close friends and family.  I wasted precious and valuable time. I am labelled as crazy. Yet it is the crazy ones who discover new things, build planes, TVs, wireless, etc.  These crazy people stay awake at night while the whole world sleeps and get up early in the morning before everyone else. These are the ones who like their own company. 

An angel whispered to me, “This is your last thread of truth.” Upon reflection, I was reminded if my worth. The awakening began.. Appreciate Life, appreciate everything when you walk outside and the sun warms you. Appreciate when someone smiles at you. Appreciate it when someone tells you that they care about you. Appreciate who you are and appreciate that you are here

for a reason. Appreciate that people want you here and that they love you. Appreciate the way you feel when you couldn't accomplish something.  Appreciate the way your mind races at 3 am, it means you are still dreaming. Appreciate yourself when you catch yourself smiling for no reason at all. Appreciate all the blessings in your life, no matter how small it is, and the same goes for all the lessons you have endured.

I am rewinding the clock, to unleash the power, the reliance of self, the courage to face adversity in the face, and come to terms that I am that very person who made it

 I was the black sheep, one no one believed in; I was the girl child who was a shame to be born. It hurt, my whole body ached, and my mind ached for freedom, yet what was the cost of this freedom?

Happiness is a state of mind. Silence is golden. There is no point in bringing back those memories; it consumed me for so long. 

It's like rewinding the movie over and over again to see myself. I buried my past and focused on my career

I founded my own care company following many happy years of experience working in the healthcare industry. During this time, my work spanned all aspects of helping people and supporting their needs, both physical and mental. From elderly residents and dementia sufferers to children and adults with special needs, learning difficulties, and disabilities, I was always committed to providing the very best support at all times.

This working ethos has continued and remained the underlying principle of how I work. The person I was caring for and their well-being were always the priority.

Caregiving comes naturally to caregivers. The actions can be taught, but not the compassion. Caregiving is a gift, and not everyone has this gift. I have been a caregiver for most of my life. I remember as young as six years old, I was massaging my uncle’s swollen feet, putting bandages on my siblings’ hands and legs when they hurt themselves. 

 I had an amazing job; my work was with people.  I started as a volunteer a long time ago, with advice from an old friend.  I was sitting at the bus stop, sobbing my eyes out, and she reached out to me. I was grieving over the loss of my young cousin who passed away at fourteen to bone cancer. She comforted me and advised that I do volunteer work to get over my pain and suffering.  She said that to heal, I should witness how there are people out there who have greater need, others who are abandoned, abused, and neglected, and people who were lonely and had no one to care for their well-being.  The young, the old, we all have some affliction that needs to be healed.  The sorrow I felt at that moment vanished when I heard her words.  So, I became a volunteer as an assistant teacher for a school of disadvantaged children “Little Eden”

From that moment, there was no turning back. I started to enjoy giving back to others; it lifted my spirit every time I witnessed someone smile after a difficult situation.  It was a pleasure to teach others how to hold a pen and write for the first time.  I continued to work as a volunteer for many years. I came abroad twenty-four years ago and continued my service as a volunteer whilst doing paid work.  It was a joy to help others, seeing their smile, enjoying their talks, and travelling down memory lane with them.

During my free time, I meditate, read books on spirituality, and just enjoy my freedom of being. It needs a strong character and personality to do the job I do, as we come in contact with all kinds of people in our lives. The things you need to be in this job are:

If you are looking at how to become a care worker, patience is of course, key when dealing with patients and service users with diminished capabilities. Sometimes they may be slower at moving about or explaining what they need. They may also be difficult or frustrated, prone to taking that out on their carer. 

Remaining calm and patient, no matter how stressful the task at hand may be, is truly a skill and is incredibly important, as anger or irritability can affect a care worker’s ability to do their job and can, of course, upset patients.

A smile is sometimes more powerful than a thousand words. A carer might be the only person an individual comes into contact with during their day, so if they are pleasant, friendly and personable, this could make a real difference and demonstrate core care skills. A cheerful demeanour also puts patients at ease and helps them to feel comfortable – and this is especially important if a care worker is dealing with personal care requirements.

When you are looking at how to become a carer, one of the key things you need to consider is your ability to multitask.  Often, carers are expected to work alone or as part of small teams, which can lead to them frequently being overstretched with lots to do. Good carers step up to the challenge and can effectively deal with more than one task at once, whilst ensuring that the level of care they provide remains high.

The very nature of care means that things can change quickly – especially when patients have severe care needs. Therefore, one of the qualities of a good carer is their ability to think on their feet and deal with unexpected occurrences and difficult situations can be invaluable – and can even save lives. 

 

This is especially crucial when working in a home care capacity, because often those receiving care look forward to or plan their day around care provision. If a carer is late, it can be disruptive or disappointing and may even impact the level and amount of care that person receives if their time is restricted.

Good carers are never satisfied with their level of training or ability. They always want to learn more, progress further, be better at what they do, and provide the best care possible.

Naturally, people receiving care often have stories to tell or feel they need someone to talk to – especially elderly patients.  Therefore, having good and patient listening skills is one of the many qualities of a carer for the elderly.  Great carers take time to listen – both to the feedback they receive, and any issues patients share with them, but also in a personal capacity.

A little kindness goes such a long way, especially when you are looking at the qualities of a carer for the elderly, and it is often greatly appreciated by patients. When a carer can put themselves into the shoes of their patient, they can truly appreciate what a difference they can make.

Good carers will often stay past their clocking off time if it means a patient is properly attended to. They’ll go out of their way to find the snacks a patient loves, sit for longer than they should as they talk about their family, or signpost them to other services when they indicate that they are struggling or need more support. It’s these little touches that make a really good carer – and could make a huge difference to patients, especially where you are looking at qualities of a carer for the elderly.

Ultimately, carers often have great responsibility placed upon their shoulders. The best carers take this in their stride and never underestimate the importance of the work they do. They also fully accept any mistakes they make and understand that nobody is perfect – taking something from errors and mishaps rather than blaming their rota or their patient.

I love my work and would recommend that if you ever feel lonely, sad or abandoned, try to be a volunteer to help others, whether it is with animals, nature or people, it will change your life for the better.

 

 I worked in several health care settings, from children's and adult day care centres to medium secure units for children and adults.  over the years. With each resident or patient that I cared for, I would come to form a friendship. I treated them as I would my family members, with love, compassion, and dignity. I often felt honoured to be someone caring for the residents. I felt compassion and I felt sympathy, and empathy. I was grateful to be part of one’s journey through the end of their life.

In hospitals, nursing homes, residential services for children, etc,  we have many people who are not ill, but the majority of my residents that I worked with were sick and often dying. I felt love for everyone I cared for. I also felt as if God had chosen me for this job. I felt my childhood experiences had laid the groundwork for this passion of mine, for caregiving.

Caring for my own children was one of the most rewarding times in my life. I learned so much, and I had to “adjust my sails with the wind,” depending on what was happening. There is nothing like caring for your own child and caring for an individual who relies on you for their well-being.

You see, for me, the greatest rewards of caregiving are those we cannot see or hold.

Caregivers feel! We feel love, raw and honest. We feel honoured because we “get to” take care of others. We feel compassion because it connects us to those we are caring for. We feel belonging because our caregiving is needed and wanted. We comfort those in their time of need. We feel special because our caregiving is a gift, and we give that gift away every day. We feel loss when residents die, when family die, or when one’s condition takes a turn for the worse. We feel gratitude for our abilities to care for and to witness that which is life.

Dying is the end of one’s life, but still always part of everyday life when you are a caregiver. One’s journey onward, after death, is one of the most sacred times. To be part of that – even as caregivers – is an immensely powerful feeling. Often, we hear of the beautiful stories of the caregivers to the dying. Those stories are the dance, the lifeblood of why we are caregivers.

We are caregivers because we are love. We are family. We are professionals in the caregiving field. We are chosen ones. We are chosen because we honour the many roles of caregiving, of life, of illness, of death, and of LOVE.