From Darkness to Light

This part of my blog was sparked by profound feelings and real-life events, including experiences of being homeless, rejection, abandonment, feeling unloved, and the trauma of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. These experiences shaped my path and fueled my determination to find a ray of hope.

My Truth, My Freedom

This post connects with you on a personal level because it comes from the heart, revealing the deepest truth that set me free. It is a testament to the power of vulnerability and the importance of sharing our stories.

I was homeless for a while, begged for food, and slept on park benches until a good Samaritan took me under their wing, and my life had a bit of stability and was shown some love and guidance. I was begging at the station for food. This elderly gentleman, wearing a suit

and tie, passed me and retraced his steps back to me. He gave me 50 cents and a newspaper. He said to call the number on the card that he gave me as well.

It changed my destiny. One single call, and I ended up a princess for a while. The family was what I had dreamed of. Everyone sat at dinner together. They taught me how to use a knife and fork. They taught me how to ride horses and swim. Everyone was kind to me , educating me was paramount. Every evening I was taken to the library filled with books, and it was where my dreams began to materialize.

I was starting to feel happy again when another attack on me left me again in shambles. A stranger put a knife to my throat and dragged me to his car, and drove to the mines where he sexually molested and beat me to a pulp. I managed to crawl away and escaped death yet again. 

I went to the police this time, but because of apartheid, I wasn't even given the time of day. So I had to go back to my locked silence, crying and restless, afraid to close my eyes for the nightmares wouldn't leave me. 

It would take another year before I met someone whom I felt safe, but after almost two years, we separated. This left me feeling alone and rejected again. Luckily, I had my work to survive, so I locked away my pain behind the mask, and I continued to exist. 

The fights between my parents and me just grew and grew; it never stopped.  So with this baggage, I met another man who would finally become my husband.

We had a good relationship, and I had found love and stability. It lasted for many years, another final trauma that would leave a lasting impact on my personal life. The armed robbery and gang sexual violence, a bullet passed by my head by grazing my ear against the wall, left me in complete limbo emotionally. Four armed men staged a home invasion. The family had just finished dinner, and we were relaxing in various rooms. They tied us with metal wires and tortured us for several hours. They demanded more jewellery and money, and when I said I had the keys to the safe, they untied me and took me to the bedroom. When they found nothing, the gun went off, and I was lifted off my feet. I felt myself floating up to the ceiling and outside the room towards the clouds. All the time pleading the blood of Christ. There the lord appeared before me. He showed me the family below and my lifeless body being ravaged by these monsters. And suddenly, with a thud, I was back in my bedroom, and the one who was raping me suddenly stared into my eyes and jumped away with the others following behind.

One of them came back and tied me again and put me on the bar area floor with the rest of the family. They stole everything they could manage to take in our vehicles and locked the gates behind, taking the keys with them.

After numerous attempts to get the police and security firm, we were able to get my sister to come first. Then, a while later, the police arrived. They walked around and

Just told said to my husband, “Take your wife to the hospital.”

Left to fend for ourselves, my sister drove me to the hospital while her husband and mine took care of the kids.  The hospital had no rape kits available, just sent me home with a prescription.

It was humiliating and shameful, and with disgust, I put on the mask and had to be brave for the children. Then it came tumoring, he became too controlling, and I was feeling claustrophobic in this marriage. I started to feel anger, resentment, and frustration. Being a mother, wife, and having a career took a strain. In and out of the hospital for relapses. He finally had enough and put me out of the home while I was in the hospital. That was the darkest and final battle I had to confront. This was in 2022. The last three years have been a soul-searching journey for me. 

Would I ever have peace? The most beautiful people are those who have known suffering, known struggles, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people don't just happen. I am who I am. What is the best version of me? What do I look like, what do I wear, and what do I think?  First thing is to realise what's the best version of me. Who is she? There are certain questions one must ask to get to know oneself.  The important thing to remember is that this has to be your vision and not anybody else's. It

needs to come from you, so it was that I used to keep journals, and at the hospital during my lucid moments, I started to pick up the pieces of my spirit once more. Day by day, I was looking into the mirror and seeing not the shadow of me but the real me!. How invigorating it was to discover my worth and validate myself. Shedding the layers of trauma and inspecting my moods whenever they came to me,I realised that it no longer controlled ME. The fear of the past lost its grip as I meditated each day, mindful of my thoughts and actions. The struggle was get the help I needed so desperately came from within. You see, I fought so many battles throughout my life; this was no easy task. To unravel layers of pain, hurt, and frustration with doctors just ignoring my tears and just giving me medicine. I decided to journal my daily thoughts, and that's when the healing truly began. The last stay of three and a half months in a psychiatric hospital made me catch a glimpse of my future. Was this the life I was going to lead? 

Taking back my power 💪 and control of the trauma was the first step. I allowed the negatives to come through, shed the tears, and slowly became stronger. I began to have fewer flashbacks and fewer nightmares.  The psychiatrist was so impressed by my recovery and praised me very much for the work I did on myself. The next visit will be in six months. 

Today is 13th August 2025. I had an appointment with the psychologist, and after two sessions, she said she was so inspired by me and that she is proud of the way I overcame such a hard, traumatic past. Her words to me were that I should write my story and share it with others. I should give talks on mental health and be a peer support worker. My journey from victim to warrior begins with me. 

My story is for every man, woman, and child who has been through mental, physical, and sexual abuse as well as bullying.

Raised in a home where women were rated as nobody. I witnessed my female relatives suffering from this atrocious behaviour that fate had bestowed upon them. It is hard to fathom why they chose to stay in these relationships.

For myself, I have no regrets or reason for being who I am. It took a lot of rejection, abandonment, and lack of trust to build my self-esteem and confidence in myself once again. 

Life shouldn't be a bargaining tool or a punching bag to be treated like a pest you can control or manipulate. Instead, there should be a deep tolerance of empathy and love towards another person.

Life is a miracle where we come into the world with no understanding, where we are raised by adults through their own lives, and put their shame upon us.

My female relatives couldn't raise their voice out of fear of the family and community, so I was shunned. I have long since forgiven them. Cause I understand what it took for them to stay and keep the family together. 

My strength and courage to fulfill my dreams often led me to dark tunnels of despair, yet I never gave up on myself. 

The demons were invisible, so no one understands why I chose to free myself and reach for the dreams I longed for since giving up my books at school at sixteen.

This 60th birthday was extremely special and awesome. I went to the home of my favourite Princess Diana. It was so magical, I collected everything about her since her wedding on 29th July 1981. I was sixteen then. And to meet her brother, Lord Charles Spencer, was the highest honour.  My two best friends came with me and made beautiful memories together.

Capture your memories of the positives, and you will find that it dims the horrors of the past, where you can finally close the chapter forever.